Putting the Pieces Back Together

I'm horrible at keeping things cleaned.  A lot of this isn't necessarily about laziness, more about forgetfullness and sometimes just not having any place to put something.  Recently I've been trying to at least improve on this. It started with some help from my parents getting the box warzone cleaned up and then moved on to the spare bedroom.  Now that the spare bedroom is cleaned up, I was able to move the movies/games/TV shows DVD/Blu-rays onto the additional media tower that I bought to get them off the floor.  It worked out perfectly that it had just enough space to take up everything that I had that wasn't on a shelf already. I think one of the biggest issues that causes me not to clean that much is that no one ever really comes over to where I live.  There has only been 3 people to ever come to my apartment, and those are my parents and grandma.  It's not that I don't care what they think of the state of my place, it's just that I know they already...

One of the funnest things to look back on is the changes in the music that you've listened to as you've grown up.  There are some people that listen to the same type of music throughout their lives, but I don't know how they do that.  My music preferences have changed a lot over time. When I was younger I tended to listen to the top 40 music.  It was the stations that my parents mostly listened to until I got a little older (10 or so) and they started listening to oldies.  And by oldies I mean the music they grew up listening to.  I stayed with the top 40 music and also listened to oldies because when you're a kid you don't have much say in what radio station is on in the car. This was a little more painful when I was with my grandparents as they listened to country.  Now I don't have anything really against country.  Nowadays there is some country that I appreciate, but most of it I still am not a fan of.  It doesn't help that most of it is rat...

One of the things I've been trying to deal with in over the past few months has been anger.  This isn't the "I'm mad at everything, I'm going to be a jerk" anger, but more of just more being mad at myself and my mind trying to blame others when I know it's my own fault. Some of the anger may be because part of my me doesn't think that I should just keep blaming myself for everything.  There is only so much I can control.  I have no control over how others react after I tell them something.  It's their decision and if I don't like it then that's not really my fault. One of the things though is that it has helped me in a way.  Part of it was the weight loss that I've talked about.  I've kind of settled in around the 150 mark, sometimes going lower and other times slightly past that.  It's stayed around there though. The other part is that I've used it to continue lifting weights.  I've talked about that to, but it's...

Most of our lives these days are impacted in some way by the internet.  Whether it's blogs like this, or people posting pictures on Instagram, or sharing what they did today on Facebook.  Our lives are constantly being shared with lots of people every day. Thinking of that is both terrifying and amazing.  We can instantly share something that is 100 miles away, 1000 miles away, or halfway around the world.  Me being down here by myself with no friends around makes stuff like this key.  Without it, I would have already gone more insane than I already am. One of the things that I'm starting to do is streaming when i'm playing games.  Now, I'm not trying to be one of those Twitch people with thousands of followers that is making their living off of that stuff.  That's not me.  Heck I don't even have a functioning computer any more, so I could edit a video to save my life. I just want to share my experience with some friends that want to watch a ga...

The mind is powerful thing.  It can also be a huge cunt.  I was sleeping last night and was having a dream.  The dream was something that I've done my best over the past few months to not to think about.  It was getting to the point that I was getting upset and managed to force myself to wake up. The last thing I remember before waking up was just me yelling "No".  There was part of my mind that knew what it was trying to avoid.  It was a fake thing.  Part of whatever consciousness that dreams are a part of was just trying to be a pain. But the effort I've been putting into trying to forget was able to force its way in and stop it.  Now this had the downside that it was hard to get back to sleep.  Thankfully I came up with an idea for something at work, which is kind of ironic that I was able to turn the dream and what it kind of relates to into something that was actually useful (worked to as I tried it today). The bigger problem is that ...

One of the things that I haven't done a lot in my life is read.  It's not that I don't like reading.  I used to.  It's just a lot harder to find something that I like that I tend to not waste my time with it. When I was a young kid, I read a little bit.  I think that Pizza Hut book club thing was one of the few things that got me reading.  Give a kid a pizza, he'll ready for a few weeks.  Then they started doing book reports, which killed all interest I had in reading.  Hey, you should read, so we're going to make you do a report on what you read so we know you did it.  Sounds fun, right?  Nope! Book reports killed reading for me for the most part.  I had a book in sixth grade that was on Earnest Hemingway that even after three quarters I hadn't finished.  I don't even think I got through the first few chapters.  I never did a book report on it.  I took the F.  I hated it. Now, there was a series of books that I f...

I spend way too much time watching TV.  I don't deny that.  It's probably both the caused by and the reason for why I don't have a lot of friends to do stuff with.  However, it's not like I watch TV for the sake of having nothing to do. I watch because I enjoy the shows that I watch.  Now, a lot of them I tend to see episodes over and over again mainly because I tend to just keep my TV on TBS and watch something else on my monitor from my phone, but they are still shows I enjoy. I also watch a lot of sports and wrestling, so that's on there too.  I've noticed thought that I actually don't pick up shows to watch until after they are done or almost done.  I didn't start watching The Office, Parks & Rec, or Breaking Bad until they were done with. The few shows that I have watched from the start tend to be shows that rank up in my favorites of all time.  Futurama, Simpsons, and Boy Meets World are all in my top 5. But now with things like Netflix o...

I love naps.  If I could, I would take a nap every day.  I do my best not to take a nap during the week though.  That is mainly because my naps aren't really naps. Years ago I saw that an actual nap is only about 20 minute long.  It's long enough so you don't actually go into REM sleep.  My naps tend to be at least 2 to 3 hours long. I tend to wake up feeling like I can stay awake for a good amount of time after taking the nap.  The problem with that is sometimes these naps take place at about 7pm at night.  At that point, I might as well just go to bed, but the body is not quite ready for that much sleep. So I end up waking up at 10pm and staying awake a lot later than I should.  Now, thankfully this usually only happens during the weekends.  This allows for resetting the sleep schedule on Sunday night so I can get back to a normal schedule for work. I didn't always like taking naps.  When I was younger I had more energy and could s...

Most of the time I will wait to see a movie when it comes out on blu-ray.  This is mainly because I enjoy being where I'm most comfortable.  The thought of going to a theater where it's always a roll of the dice on whether you're going to have a nice experience or are going to be annoyed by the people around you. The nice thing about most theaters these days is that they have assigned seating.  This is a god send and the fact that it took so long to get there is sad.  It's also nice that the theater that I mainly go to has recliner seats so it's mostly a relaxing experience, unless the idiot in front of you doesn't recline back.  Yes, that has happened on multiple times. The thing about assigned seating though is it makes it really easy to know when there is someone that will be sitting next to you.  You can see the seats that are available and those that aren't.  So it boggles my mind when people pick a seat next to me when there were plenty of seat...

Who wouldn't?  You would know all the outcomes of what you were going to do.  Personally, anxiety wouldn't be much of an issue anymore.  I would already know what was going to happen.  No need to worry about what was going to happen. But I understand the downsides of knowing the future.  Life would be predictable.  You would just be going through the motions.  It's like going to a movie or watching a sports event when you already know everything that happens because someone spoiled it for you. It's really a toss up.  If it was selective it would be much easier to make the decision.  I would like to know if I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.  Me worrying too much about what would happen if I told a girl I liked her or if I just wanted to ask her out would not be an issue if I knew what was going to happen.  It would take it out of my head just thinking it knows what will happen (99.9% negative results) and would actuall...

How can someone write about socks?  They have to be the most boring person in the world!  Well strap yourself in for one hell of a ride.  An adventure about SOCKS!!! Like most people I wear socks.  They're kind of a necessity unless you have perfect smelling feet and don't mind them touch your shoes.  Throughout the years I've gone from long socks, to no show, to quarter socks, and preferably ankle socks. You still with me? When I was a kid I never wanted to wear black socks.  They represented being old to me.  My dad wore black socks.  My grandpa wore black socks.  I'm not going to wear black socks!!!  They tried to give me black socks, but I refused.  I was young.  I wasn't boring.  I will not wear black socks!!!  This lasted for quite some time.  I actually made it all the way to the age of 26 having never worn black socks. But then there was the dark day.  I got a job that required business casual c...

So, this is a question that basically asks how you want people to see you.  There are people that worry about what people think of you and then there are those that just don't give a fuck.  Sadly, I'm in the first group, not the second one. Nice, kind, caring.  Those are words that I would probably use, but not necessarily be proud of.  Why you may ask?  Well, those don't get me anywhere.  I also tend to think I'm funny, but that's a matter of opinion. There is also the question that has been asked in surveys and such about what would you rather be, smart or beautiful.  Most people pick beautiful.  And that actually makes a lot of sense.  Beautiful people get things easier. That's not saying that I don't like being smart (well, I think I'm somewhat smart at least).  It has a lot of benefits.  But it's been said a lot that smart people tend to be more miserable and I can't argue with that. This question also comes up when you nee...

The one thing that most people will tell you that have gone to school or even have taken up a trade is that you are never done learning.  It's the one thing that keeps things interesting.  It can also be the one thing that is a drag. Now not all learning is in a classroom.  In fact, the classroom part is a very small part of any thing that you end up doing.  Experiences, good and bad, are what will truly teach you what you are doing. This is what I've enjoyed about my job and keeps me going with it.  In fact, just today I started a online course to learn Angular.  It's a framework for making websites.  Doesn't sound fun, but just the little that I got through today was exciting to see. Being able to make an input that as you type can place the text somewhere else on the page is so cool.  Now, does working on websites drive me every day and I'll be doing this till I retire.  Chances are no.  Technology will probably dictate that for me...

As we get closer to summer, I get sadder and sadder.  Now, yes, my birthday is in the summer and that has some effect, but that's not the reason.  I hate hot temperatures. I'm a winter person.  I like the snow on the ground.  I like not having to not use the wall air conditioner that is in my apartment.  I like being able to sleep in my own bed. Now people complain that it gets too cold in Wisconsin.  Then again there are people that complain when it's below 50 or 60.  Those are my thresholds of getting too hot. When it gets cold you can always put on more clothing.  When it gets too hot there is only so much clothing you can take off before the cops are called on you.  I also always tend to run hot anyways so any heat just destroys me. It doesn't help that it gets humid during the summers here.  I know people complain about humidity in Florida, but to me the humidity is worse up here.  I was down in Florida on the Fourth of Jul...

Went to a friends birthday celebration today and remembered how to talk to people.  This might sound silly, but when you haven't talked to some people in a long time it's something that doesn't come easy. For some reason though it was easy today.  Some of the people I was talking to were those that I've talked to a lot in the past.  Some I had never talked to before, but was still able to converse better than I normally do. The one thing that I finally got to do was flip the switch on all the filters that I normally put on.  I was able to not only keep up, but maybe push further than the person I was talking with.  It's something that I haven't done in awhile.  Living in a world where most of the people I interact with I have to be careful with what I say, this was actually a huge relief. When you have to watch what you say all the time, it gets hard to ever let it out when there is no one to let it out to.  Remembering that my mind can not only go ...

So I've seen the review percentages for Fate of the Furious and it's meh.  I've also seen the movie and it's fucking awesome.  I didn't even realize that it was almost two hours in when I finally looked at what time it was. Now at this point I will say that there will be spoilers from here on, so if you're sensitive to those then well stop reading. Part of me went into the movie thinking there was going to be more wrestling heel turns then actually happened.  I expected Hobbs and Mr. Nobody to turn, but they didn't.  I knew Dom would have had a reason for what he did and sure enough it was a good one. The one thing I didn't expect is that Charlize Theron's character wouldn't be such a hateable bad girl.  I hated her character, but in the good way.  Actually the bad guys in this movie were probably the best in the series. Now, there was a point (ok many points) in the movie where I was just like "well that's not how that would work...

One of the things that I haven't had to do a lot of in my life is tell other people what to do.  I tend to be trusting enough of people that I think that they would know what to do.  I also don't think that I have any right to tell anyone what to do unless it is my job specifically to do so. I had a few opportunities to do this when I worked in retail, and found it relatively easy.  It was my job to tell people where to go and what to do the times I was tasked to do so.  Didn't matter if I was a friend of the person, things needed to get done and that was my job to have people do what they needed to do. The next time I ever had to really do this was during one of my final (technical) college classes where we were split off into groups and the person in charge was to rotate around each week or so.  This worked for a time until I started noticing that things weren't going as well as they should.  I didn't tell anyone exactly what they were going to do, but ...

I've been playing video games for all of my life.  From arcade games when I was 4 to having all the consoles and handheld systems at the age of 30.  Playing games has been a big part of my life. Growing up there were areas that I missed some of the major consoles of the days.  I always had the current handheld systems, but the consoles of the time I missed out on.  I never did have a Game Gear though as I was given the option of either getting the GameBoy or the Game Gear.  I chose the GameBoy, which paid off when Pokemon came out. Now the consoles that I'm referring to are the SNES, Saturn and Dreamcast.  Of those I have bought a Dreamcast within in the past year or so to play some of the games I missed.  I had to buy a new controller and memory card for it, but I've enjoyed the time I've played it. My memories of the Dreamcast mainly focus around the time we went to Disney World when I was 14.  I can't remember which park it was that had it, ...

When I was younger and getting bullied, one of the things I was encouraged to do was talk to the guidance counselor.  Normally this is a good thing to do.  If you're in trouble you should talk to someone that can help. Now, I won't say it's the counselor's fault, but talking to her did not help at all.  In fact all it really did was cause everything to get worse.  At some point I just stopped talking.  I made some changes, got some payback, and the one time it started happening during my Freshman year, I didn't last too long before taking matters into my own hands (well fist). The one thing that I (unfortunately) learned from that was that saying how I feel is a bad thing.  I know I've most likely talked about this before, but it is really important.  It's something that has never really disproven itself over my life. I take the 2 instances I've told someone that I like them.  Yes, there are only two instances that this has happened.  Both...

I believe this is the 30 post in the last 30 days.  I didn't count, so if someone wants to count go for it.  I'm going to continue with this so at some point I'll reach it if I haven't already. On to the topic at hand.  One of the places I've never been that I've always wanted to go to is Japan.  I've had times where I've said that I was going to, but things have come up that have side tracked that. I first was going to buy a house, but that proved more difficult than I planned on.  That was my fault though.  I'm picky and when I'm the only one looking then that doesn't help.  Then I got in an accident and had to get a new car so that took the money I could have used for the trip and was placed somewhere else. Once I get my spending under control I will start saving some money for a trip at some point either late this year or next year.  Next year will be 5 years at where I'm working (hoping so at least) and that means I'll gain an...

As of last week I have lived down here for 3.5 years.  I have a two bedroom apartment in which 1 of the rooms has never been used for anything as storage.  This is fine, although it has been rather unorganized. I started reclaiming my kitchen last month after my dad helped me get things a little cleaned up as Amazon boxes had taken over.  I know have space to move around where the table is and can actual get to the cabinet where I still have to remember that I put food in there. One of the things that was added to the kitchen was the rolling cabinet that had been in the spare bedroom since I moved down here.  It was no easy task getting it out as it was behind a wall of boxes.  I had to actually make a U around the room to get to it and then get it out.  Couldn't roll it out though because there was no space to do that.  Had to carry it out and sadly it wasn't very light. Had a done just the little bit that I did today it would have been easier, alt...

I've never been the one to exercise a lot.  When I was younger, like most younger people, I didn't have to do it so much because the good ole metabolism was still working at full speed. The job I had before leaving and finishing up school kept me active, or at least on most days standing.  Once I didn't have that and was just working at a desk all day along with getting older the weight started to go up. I never got "fat", but got sluggish.  I was not a fan of this, but when I tried exercising late last year, I didn't really lose any weight.  This could have been because I was regaining the muscle that I had let go, but that's just an excuse.  When I broke almost two months ago, it helped me start losing weight.  Eating less has a tendency of doing that.  But I also started exercising at this time too, mostly out of anger.  I've always tried to walk and use the standing desk twice a day at work to keep for just sitting all day.  But I sta...

Shucks, missed it by less than an hour.  Oh well, I'll just write two things today.  That should make up for it. A name is a way we identify someone.  Everyone has one.  Most have a first and a last.  Some just have one if you're famous enough, or egotistical enough.  There is one name that has come to haunt me though. Everywhere I go I seem to find the name.  It has different forms, but it is still the same name.  And it's kind of funny how often I see it now.  It's a lot like it was after I got my new car.  Before I had seen it everywhere, and then when I was actually looking for a new car I didn't see it at all.  Once I bought it, there it was again all over the place. Kind of the way this name has been.  Didn't see it all that often, but now that it actually has an affect on me I see it and hear it more than I had before.  Not the same person, but different people or characters in TV shows or movies.  No escapi...

Glamping, as it was explained to me, is when you go camping in anything that is more luxurious than a tent.  This is the type of camping of done all my life.  I know nothing different. But this May I will be going camping in something that doesn't have 4 solid walls and a roof over my head (well technically a pop-up doesn't have completely solid walls, but it's not a tent!).  And in reality I'm still avoiding the tent aspect and will be sleeping in my car.  Thankfully my car is an Outback, so I will have the room and storage all in one spot so it won't be that bad. Now, I've always loved camping.  I used to go a lot when I was a kid with my parents and grandparents.  My grandparents even had a camper that they owned on a river.  I would go there multiple times during the summer and we'd go fishing out on the boat or go for bike rides.  I have a lot of fun memories of doing that.  Still don't want to put a worm on a hook or kill a fish (I do...

So there is no one answer to that question.  There are probably dozens or hundreds of things that I need to stop doing.  However, one of the major things that I need to stop doing is stop doubting myself. I, like many people, am a huge self doubter.  Not about everything, mind you, but about a lot of things.  One of the main things that has always been said about me is that I need to have more confidence.  That's a tough thing to do. You may ask why is that so hard?  It's simple.  You can't build something up when you have nothing to build with.  If I asked you to build a house with nothing, how far would you get?  Not really far.  When I don't have a lot to help build my confidence up, it's rather hard to do so. Now, I do have confidence in some things that I do.  I wouldn't be able to do my job or even talk about what I do without having some confidence in my job.  I'm not the greatest/best at what I do, but I'm competent ...

"The aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others." That is the common theme in what is my favorite video game of all time, Persona 4/Persona 4 Golden.  Today was the release date of the fifth game in the series in the US, and having just played for 2 hours that theme is already strong. I could go on about the whole story and why I absolutely love P4, but that would take forever.  The main summarization is that the characters of the game make it so great.  But they are great because they are flawed.  Flawed like people really are. Everyone is hiding something on the inside.  Something may be an understatement for some.  It could just be putting on a smile when you're hurting on the inside.  It could be acting like someone you're not.  It could be being nice to someone that you don't like or a jealous of.  There are so many things that people hide because they don't know what others would think of them if they ...

So running out of topics to write about, a friend of mine gave me some suggestions to use.  This is the one that was for today and it works rather well, so why not. The simple answer to that question is that I'm thankful for my family and my friends.  It's the classic cheesy answer, but it's true.  I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.  And that's not just an overall answer throughout life (well it kind of is), but it also pertains to recent events. My family doesn't really know any of what has happened over the past few months, and that's fine.  I don't need them to.  That sounds odd, but my family is really awesome.  When I say my family, I'm really only talking about my mom, dad, and grandma.  That's really it.  They're the ones that raised me and made me keep pushing on. I lost my grandpa Larsen (who was absolutely wonderful) when I was younger and while I do have more family, I've always been an outlier in the family.  And...

[Insert Joke Here] Politics.  I hate it/them.  Most people do.  But most people can't seem to stop talking about it.  Everyone has their opinions and everyone else's is usually wrong. Now before you think this is me going to be me blabbing about what I think about whatever, it's not.  Honestly, I don't care.  I don't care, because no matter what I think it doesn't matter.  Why does it not matter?  Because no matter what, nothing I say or do will matter. But, yes it will you say.  Let your voice be heard.  Vote!  Every vote counts!  Nope.  We live in a system.  A system that makes the rich and powerful, more rich and powerful.  Great minds don't really matter, because they will never have the money or the power to get their voice out there. You may say that the great minds will find a way.  Not always.  There are times that they may, but mostly it won't.  A lot of this is due to the fact that, a...

So any amount of wrestling for most people is too much wrestling.  i understand that, but I've been watching wrestling for more than 20 years so I've gotten used to it.  In fact I got done writing an entire blog post about it just a minute ago that didn't save so now I'm going to write about it for a second time.  Yea, wrestling has been a long part of my life. As of yesterday, the start of the 5 days of wrestling hell has begun.  Yesterday was the WWE Hall of Fame.  It was a good class with the likes of DDP, Teddy Long, and Kurt Angle being inducted.  It was also 4.5 hours long.  If you wanted to, you could have watched an extra hour of red carpet stuff.  But that's just too much. Now before I get too far in this and are wondering how I could watch that much, I will let you know that when I watch wrestling it is usually with something else on a different screen or while playing a video game.  I watch when something interesting is happening...