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Release the Anger

One of the things I've been trying to deal with in over the past few months has been anger.  This isn't the "I'm mad at everything, I'm going to be a jerk" anger, but more of just more being mad at myself and my mind trying to blame others when I know it's my own fault.

Some of the anger may be because part of my me doesn't think that I should just keep blaming myself for everything.  There is only so much I can control.  I have no control over how others react after I tell them something.  It's their decision and if I don't like it then that's not really my fault.

One of the things though is that it has helped me in a way.  Part of it was the weight loss that I've talked about.  I've kind of settled in around the 150 mark, sometimes going lower and other times slightly past that.  It's stayed around there though.

The other part is that I've used it to continue lifting weights.  I've talked about that to, but it's really kept me going.  I have to get it out somehow and I might has well get some physical benefit out of it beyond the future brain aneurysm or any other number of stress induced health issues.

The one thing I still want to get though is something to actually punch.  I don't really have a place for that kind of stuff though, although there are some cheap things I could get from Amazon if I was really desperate.  I could also go to a gym, but I actually think that would end up discouraging me from exercising at all.

In the end, I'm just trying to figure out how to release the feelings in a productive manner.  It's not easy, and I never understand how people are able to do it.  I know it's not easy for them either, but at least they have something.  I just have to continue to find out what it is for me and at least at this point I have something.

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