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On A Fucking Warpath

So the last post was the last post.  But it isn't going away.  That anger, that hate.  It's only directed at myself.  Can I blame other people for it?  I could if I was petty.  But my own shit is my own shit.

It's one thing to have people that do things when they don't know it has any affect on you.  It's another thing when they do.  I'm usually good with stuff that happens to me.  I don't brush it off like I should, I store it inside.  Well not store, but try to burry.

Something I've mentioned a lot in these posts, but something that has been so much a part of my life.  I try to think that when people do something they are aware of what affect it has on other people that may be involved.  Maybe they think that what they are doing just doesn't matter that much.

Well, maybe people should be a little bit more careful.  A warning maybe.  I slight hint that maybe you should just not go to something because what you will experience is something that is going to possibly not sit well with you.

I expect too much sometimes.  Or maybe it's because people think too little of me.  Maybe I start to have to being more aggressive.  Make myself known as a fucking person instead of just some piece of dirt that has no feelings.  No emotions.

I'm tired of hiding it.  It's doing me no good.  In fact it's doing me harm.  It's affecting me in ways that I didn't think it would.  I don't want to eat any more.  I don't want to wake up, I don't want to go to sleep.  I just don't want to be.  I want to be gone.  I want to get the fuck out of everywhere.

I want someone to save me.  I want someone to help me.  But who the fuck wants to help someone like me?  No one.  You see the shit that I write.  That's not some bullshit.  It's a cry for help.  I know it is.  But I can guarantee that if someone tries, they probably won't like what they get back.  They'll probably get a strong defense from me.  It will happen. 

You have to be tough, and I don't think anyone has that much time or care to do it.  I wish there was.  I know I have friends and family that care about me.  But walking into me is like walking into a war.  It's a fight that you need to bring the big guns for. 

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