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Stop Hitting Yourself

My mind is great at winning.  That winning just so happens to be at making miserable.  It's all it knows, so it does it's best to make sure to keep that up.  Today, I had a minor victory.

Normally where anxiety would hold me back from asking a question that is somewhat confrontational, I instead pushed through it and asked the question.  It solved the issue that caused me to pretty much blow up Saturday night and it kept me from what I do best.  Dwelling on shit that I shouldn't dwell on.

A simple idea, something that I should have put into practice a long time ago.  Why hold things in if they're just going to make yourself miserable.  Ask the question, say what's on your mind, or just forget it.  Forgetting it is the hardest thing to do, so why not just do the first two things?

That answer has always been because of the worrying about what would happen and the negativity would boil up to the point where it just got too much and I would shut down instead.  Then it would continue to fester and do more harm then it has any right to.

I envy all of you that have been able to do that all your life.  It's my goal to at least get somewhere to the point where I am able to do that regularly.  A simple sounding goal, but tougher when you think of all the years that I've been doing.

Reprogramming the brain is never easy.  It takes motivation, it takes help, it takes commitment and it takes some luck.  My motivation and commitment is that I'm not willing to continue to live like that.  My help is some great friends that are willing to listen to me.  Luck has never been on my side, but you got to get lucky every once in awhile right?

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